Say Yes
by random sass
Summary: Sam Puckett finds out that an unexpected engagement is coming soon. In fear of what it will mean for the future, Sam does something impulsive that has the potential to change everything. Rated T for language and some sexuality. One-Shot


**Author's Note:** So, this little baby was the outcome of a sentence block I saw on the WriteWorld tumblr (if you are ever in need of inspiration, check it out) **"If this is what you think love is, you're wrong."** This first paragraph came out quickly but I was held up on the direction I wanted the story to take. Now that it's finished, I'm happy and I love how it turned out. Enjoy loves.

**Disclaimer: **iCarly and their characters are owned by Dan Schneider.

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An engagement ring is something that normal girls care about. Normal girls secretly make note of criteria they want in a ring while flipping through year old bridal magazines in the doctor's office; normal girls have a hidden browser folder of bookmarks with their favorite rings; normal girls daydream about their perfect guy and the perfect proposal. Sam Puckett was not one of those girls. In fact to her an engagement ring meant next to nothing. Her mother had an entire bag full of them, a gallon-sized ziplock bag full of broken promises of love, marriage and a picket-fence type future with a large number of faceless men. Yet here she was hiding out and staring down at a ring, a huge ring. A ring that most women would consider the perfect, extravagant symbol of love. It was simple, silver (White gold? Platinum? She didn't know the difference), with a large flawless diamond in the middle. The diamond was far bigger than any of the ones that belonged to her mom.

_You have been staring at this for two days! Stop torturing yourself!_ She pressed the lock button at the top of her phone with force, watching as the photo of the ring faded to a black screen and shoved it in the back pocket of her jeans. She cursed Carly for sending her the photo in the first place. Sam never pictured herself with an engagement ring or at least not a typical one; she wasn't even one-hundred percent sure if marriage was something she even wanted. Sure, the idea of being in love and spending her life with someone was appealing, but she wasn't sure if it was in the cards for her. After all, she didn't have one real-life example of a marriage that actually worked, and her attempts at love so far in her twenty-three years had been less than promising.

She put her hands on the brick railing of the fire escape and looked out into the warm, breezy Seattle night as the moon struggled to be seen through a blanket of clouds. The overwhelming feeling of jealousy was making her nauseous, or maybe it was just the tequila shot she had before she walked out of the party. It wasn't the ring she was jealous of, it was the fact that someone else was going to get the one thing that she wanted so badly and more than anything else in the world but let her own pride and fear of rejection get in the way. Freddie Benson.

Freddie had been dating Caroline Tobin for the past year. They met during his senior year at USC. She had been cast as the lead in one of the student films he was directing and it was game over. Of course she was perfect - a little thing, barely five feet tall, long strawberry blond hair with gorgeous green eyes. She was even from Seattle and had gone to one of the exclusive private schools in the area. Caroline was Freddie's dream girl, sweet and kind like Carly, but was obsessed with Galaxy Wars and a self-proclaimed comic book nerd.

The funny thing is that if it were under different circumstances, Sam could see herself being friends with Caroline. She had a great sense of humor, and her dad managed some of the best MMA fighters in the business. It all started out on friendly terms, but the more serious Caroline and Freddie became, the less nice Sam started to be. Freddie didn't seem to notice her declining politeness but Carly always made sure she didn't misbehave too badly, quick to give her a scolding look or a swift elbow to the gut.

Sam closed her eyes. The feeling of the wind on her face was making her feel a little better. She turned away from the railing and looked at the window as she tried to decide if she was going to go back to the party and put on a brave face or just leave. Both options made her feel lonely and pathetic, but she wasn't sure if she could handle going back to Carly's apartment and watching Freddie propose. Just the thought caused bile to rise up into her throat.

"Here you are!" Freddie appeared in the window. Sam rolled her eyes. He always had impeccable timing for ruining a quick getaway. The amount of enthusiasm in his voice made her stomach twist.

"I was just, uh, heading back to the party," she lied, running a hand through her wind-blown curls as she leaned back against the railing.

He hopped down onto the fire escape, "We were wondering where you headed off to. Did you have to much to drink?" He asked walking towards her, his eyes twinkling in amusement.

"No, I didn't have too much to drink," she responded, mocking his tone and wagging her head back and forth.

Freddie laughed, and Sam could feel a smile spreading across her face. "Feels good out here, it's getting really stuffy in the apartment," he said as he took his place next to her and rested his forearms on the bricks. "There are a lot more people at this party than I expected."

"So I take it you didn't pop the question yet, Fredbag?" Sam asked, sensing the nervousness in his voice. She pretended not to notice as the breeze gently tousled his hair in a way that made her want to reach out and fix it.

"No, not yet. I was actually thinking about putting it off until tomorrow. Do it in a more private setting," he answered, looking out at the night. She tried to ignore the passing thought that he was stalling for some reason.

"Oh." The close proximity was starting to become a little too much so she moved away from him and sat down on the steps leading up to the next fire escape.

There was a long pause before Freddie asked, "Sam?"

"Hmm?" she mumbled, picking at the cuticles on her left hand.

"Do you . . I mean, what do you. . .," he stammered as he moved to the bottom of the stairs.

"Spit it out, Freddie," she answered not bothering to look up at him.

"I guess I was just wondering what you thought about this whole thing," he said curiously as he hooked his thumbs in the belt loops of his jeans. "Carly was more than vocal and it's just, now that I think about it, I never got to hear from you."

She gave him a skeptical look, "Does it really matter what I think?"

He smiled, that sweet Freddie Benson half-smile that made her heart jump. "Of course it does. You're my best friend."

She scoffed, "Yeah, that's why you took Carly with you on Wednesday to pick out the ring, and I found out from her in a text message that you were going to propose."

Freddie looked surprised by her response, "Carly loves that stuff. I didn't think you cared about engagement rings."

"I don't," she answered, more sharply than she intended.

"So why is it a big deal?" He fired back.

Sam didn't answer, she just looked back down her fingernails.

Freddie sighed, "Look, I'm sorry okay? I didn't mean to leave you out. You've been kind of distant the past few months. I've tried to talk to you about this in particular for days but you haven't returned my calls or texts lately. This is the first time I've seen you all week."

She looked up at him, he did look genuinely sorry, with his big brown eyes were focused on her. "It's ok. We're good," she replied, trying to keep her expression indifferent.

"So, you still haven't answered my question," he pressed.

She averted her gaze to the Seattle skyline. Why couldn't he just let this go? She couldn't even make a mad dash for the window, since Freddie was close enough to stop her. _Maybe you should tell the truth for once and see what happens. _Sam swallowed, in hopes it would help her mouth and throat, which were suddenly dry.

"What if. . . what if I said that I think you would be making a big mistake if you marry this broad, what would you do?" She asked with feigned innocence.

Freddie flinched in surprise, "Is that really your opinion?" He sounded a little hurt which made Sam feel like retreating.

She made a show of rolling her eyes. "It's a hypothetical question, Fredward," she replied, trying to play it off.

"No, it's not, Sam. You won't even look at me," he said pointedly, as he crossed his arms over his chest.

She forced herself to make eye contact; the back of her throat began to burn. It always made her angry when he called bullshit on her.

"Why do you think proposing to Caroline is a mistake?" He asked, his tone measured, his eyebrows knitted together.

She sighed loudly, "I don't know, I guess it's just me being cynical about love and marriage and all that shit. Maybe none of us should get married. You, me and Carly can be roommates for the rest of our lives, adopt kids we can all raise together, sit next to each other in rocking chairs when we're old, and do iCarly from the nursing home we will live in."

Freddie laughed, and she couldn't help but smile a little as the tension between them lifted. She was relieved that she was able to wriggle out of giving him a completely legitimate answer but her heart still felt like it had been replaced with a rock.

"That's a nice idea but the implementation would be difficult," he said through his laughter. _Great, he bought it. _Sam took the opportunity to stand up and go down the stairs. She tried to ignore the scent of his cologne as she brushed past him on her way to the window. Sweet escape was only steps away.

Before she could lift her leg over the threshold, she felt Freddie's strong hand on her arm.

"Wait a sec," he said as he pulled her back to face him. His eyes were searching hers and she felt like she had become transparent. Did he know she wasn't telling the whole truth?

"I know this feels like a huge shift, like things between you, me and Carly won't be the same again, but it's going to be fine. I'm not going anywhere."

It didn't escape her that he never removed his hand from her arm. The combination of his touch, his words, and the captivating way he was looking at her was causing the truth to scream in her ears. She had dated plenty of guys, but no one else made her feel even close to what she was feeling right this very second. How could she possibly let him go? She used every coping mechanism she had to keep her mouth shut. _Freddie is happy, what kind of friend would you be if you ruin this? Caroline is the perfect girl for him. He doesn't want you, if he did he wouldn't be proposing to someone else._

"I know you have a lot of reasons to be cynical about love," he continued, "but I know deep down you believe in it. I just don't want you to miss out on happiness because you won't open your heart when the opportunity arises." His phone beeped, and he gave her a smile and her arm a squeeze before letting go.

She hated how cold she felt when he wasn't touching her anymore, and she hated his stupid speech about how things weren't going to change and she needed to open up. He was stupid if he thought things were going to stay the same, and opening up is what got her here in the first place.

"Are you coming back to the party, or are you still feeling shitty?" she heard him ask as he put his phone back in his pocket.

"Marry me," Sam blurted out, wincing the second the words flew out of her mouth. She was surprised at how confident and self-assured her voice sounded when inside she felt as sturdy as jello. For the first time ever, she wasn't able to know what he was thinking by just deciphering from his expression. It was an understandable mix of surprise and confusion.

"What?" he breathed like he was just punched in the gut. He sat down hard onto the steps as if his knees gave out.

She shrugged like what she said wasn't a big deal while she tried hard to not look as panicked as she felt. Part of her just wanted to hurl her body off the fire escape. The pain of hitting the sidewalk at top speed would be nothing compared to the embarrassment and fear of rejection that was coursing through her. Ok, so she said it in the heat of the moment, but if she lied and answered "nothing," it would be this unspoken thing that would hang between them for the rest of their lives. She wondered if she could hit him hard enough that he would lose consciousness and not remember any of this conversation.

Freddie rubbed the back of his neck as he studied the floor. He opened his mouth to speak, then closed it; his brow was furrowed in thought. "Did you just ask . . . tell me . . . to marry you? You're just messing with me . . . right, Sam?"

She walked to the railing of the fire escape. The urge to jump was greater now than it was before. _Why did I say that? Why didn't I just go back to the party? Why didn't I just run when I had the chance instead of opening my big fat mouth? _The panic was really starting to set in, but she realized it was pointless because the words were already out there. Instead, she wondered if marrying Freddie was really that crazy of an idea. They were both twenty-three and settled into their jobs, Freddie was a sizzle reel editor in L.A., and Sam was a sous chef at Black Market Liquor Bar in Studio City. They had known each other for most of their lives, they were best friends, they fought like cats and dogs sometimes but they always worked out their differences. There was no doubt that she was in love with him, and she was fairly certain that he still felt that way about her. The question remained: was marriage something she really wanted? He was giving her an out, it was time to commit one way or the other. Take the out, play it off as a joke and never speak of it ever again, or go all in. She took a deep breath, unsure if this whole thing was really brave or really stupid.

Steeling herself, she looked him right in the eye and said, "I'm not joking."

"You don't mean that," he said shaking his head so much it looked like it was going to fall off. "You will really say anything to get your way won't you?" She watched as his face started to turn red. "God Sam, why don't you just tell me the truth about why you have a problem with me and Caroline instead of being ridiculous?" He asked hotly, as he stood up and moved to the bottom of the stairs.

She recoiled, "I am telling the truth! Why is the idea of you and me being together so insane?"

Freddie blinked. It obviously wasn't the answer he was expecting. "It wasn't insane a year ago but today, at this very second, it is.," he said after a brief pause; his voice was calmer but edged with frustration. "Why now, Sam? I have been waiting for you for years! Waiting for you to be ready, hoping that the umpteenth time we try again would be the one that sticks, the one where you don't shoot it down, the one where you don't find some reason to get out before it even gets started." He was pacing back and forth, gesturing wildly. She had never seen Freddie so thrown off before.

"I guess I just never thought that Caroline was going to last this long. No one else you dated has. I can't stand the thought of you being with someone else for good, Freddie, it makes me want to puke," she answered as she watched him pace.

He stopped in his tracks and stared right at her. "That's right, you don't want me but you don't want to see me with anybody else. You are so damn self-centered!" he said angrily.

"You know that's not true! You couldn't possibly understand how hard it was for me to not say something. I tried to pretend that everything was ok because you are my best friend and I want you to be happy. I held out hope that it was going to end, but I realized that there was a very real possibility that I was going to lose you. There is still something here. I mean, we still love each other. Right?" She hated the words that were coming out of her mouth. With every admission of her true thoughts, she felt more raw. But she knew that if there was a chance that this was going to work out, she was going to have to stay present in her feelings.

"Love is not the question here, Sam. It never has been," he said, his stare was so intense that it made her want to look away. "There is always going to be something between us, don't you get that? Because we've never really dealt with it. A moment would happen, a look, a touch, a kiss, and then we would try again, but a few weeks in you would always jump ship. You would say that we were too different, or we fought too much, or we had to try too hard. What makes you think that we would work this time when it didn't work a year ago?"

"Because I'm standing here fighting for us! Instead of lying, I told you the truth; instead of pretending like everything was ok, I stayed; instead of running away, I fucking asked you to marry me! This is freaking me out but I'm trying as hard as I can to be honest with you and to let down the guard that was keeping my heart safe." She never had to defend something this hard in her life and it was starting to get to her. The telltale signs of impending tears were starting to show themselves.

"It's too late now," he said in a way that made her wonder if he was talking to her or trying to convince himself. "I can't break it off with Caroline in hopes that you are going to be for real this time and that you aren't going to just stomp all over my heart again. She loves me and I love her and this isn't fair to either of us." He was no longer making eye contact with her but was looking down at the ground as he chewed on his bottom lip.

"Do you think you are going to be happy with her, Freddie? The only reason you're marrying her is because you're bored. Whatever spark you two had has long left."

"That's not true," he mumbled weakly as he leaned against the wall next to the window.

"Yeah, right, Freddie, don't pretend like you were asking me just because 'you wanted my opinion'," she said with air quotes. "You knew that of all people, I would tell you not to do it. Carly told me months ago that you told her that the flame was out. That you care about Caroline but you weren't sure what to do about it."

Freddie didn't say anything in further protest, so she continued, "Caroline is perfect and sweet and boring and you think that getting engaged is going to make things better. Sure it will for a little while, but you are going to get bored again. You guys would have a perfectly dull wedding and two perfectly dull kids and lead a perfectly ordinary life. Yeah, if you choose me we are going fight with passion but we are going to make up and love each other just as passionately. We will make our own rules and it's going to be crazy and hard, and every day is going to be something new and unexpected, but wouldn't you want that instead?" She moved closer to him. Saying everything she had been wanted to say was a liberating feeling.

"This is a lot to hear right now," he said tiredly, as though this conversation had lasted a lifetime. He rubbed his jaw with his hand as lines of confusion and worry wrinkled his forehead.

"Say yes," she said simply, with a shrug.

"I don't know what to say," his voice was quiet as he picked imaginary lint off his dark blue polo.

"I don't want a ring, or some fancy proposal; we don't even have to get engaged right now, but I want to marry you one day, Freddie. I want you to be Mr. Sam Puckett, and the thought of spending my life with you makes me want the kids and the house and all that shit I thought I could never have. But mostly I want you, and we will figure everything else out together." She paused and took a breath. "But if you tell me that she's the one you want, if you say that you are going to be happy with Caroline, then we will close the book on us right now for good without any hard feelings. I will go back to the party, I will stand by and watch you propose, and I will be happy for the both of you," she said sincerely.

Freddie finally looked up and studied her face. She felt like it was taking an eternity for him to say something, but she continued to meet his gaze, sure and steady as her heart hammered in her ears and chest. He must have swallowed, because she could see his Adam's apple bob up and down. He took a deep breath . . .

"Sam, I love you, I always have, and I don't know if I'm ever going to stop, but I don't think this is a good idea. Maybe we should just-"

Her hands clutched the collar of his shirt and pulled him down to capture his lips in a needy, last-ditch kiss. She lifted herself on Converse-clad toes to get better access to his mouth and wrapped her arms around his neck. She swore to herself right then and there that if he agreed to give them another shot she wouldn't fuck it up this time. She would do anything to make it work, because she couldn't go through this again. She wanted forever, she wanted love, marriage, and a picket-fence type future, and she wanted it with Freddie. A rush of warm hope flooded her body as he moved his lips in rhythm with hers, grazed his teeth against her bottom lip, and slipped his tongue into her mouth. . . but she sensed something wasn't quite right. She parted her lips from his slowly and kept her eyes closed as she tried to focus; she felt breathless and a little dizzy. Even though he had kissed her back, his hands weren't embracing her, pressing her hips towards his, or stroking her face and hair. Ice-cold desperation and doubt started to fill her thoughts.

"Please," she pleaded, somewhere between a breath and a whisper, her mouth centimeters from his. She opened her eyes to look into his. "Choose me, Freddie."

They stood there for an undetermined amount of time, lips slightly parted, their chests rising and falling in unison, blue and brown eyes searching for answers.

"Fuck Sam," he said. His voice was hoarse. His arms slid around her waist, holding her in that firm-but-gentle way that made created a luscious ache in her stomach. "You know my answer is yes."

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Alright loves that's all there is! Super huge shout-out to Rebeccaberkowitz for being the most kick ass beta in the game. Her insight is spot on and she put up with all my revisions, typos and lack of commas! I can't thank her enough!

I hope you adore it as much as I do. Please take a second and review my labor of love.

Thanks for reading :)

-Sass

P.S. I really appreciate all the reviews I have received so far! For those of you who think that Sam is OOC, here is my response :) Sam does drastic things when she feels vulnerable. When she is feeling emotionally raw and Freddie confronts her in the courtyard in iOMG, she kisses him out of nowhere. When she is feeling emotionally raw after Carly goes to Italy (we assume) Sam gets on her motorcycle and leaves Seattle. In this one-shot, Sam's walls have been deteriorating as Caroline and Freddie get more serious. She is at a point where she realizes that he is going to be unattainable for good and maybe her trying so hard to protect herself has robbed her of having a happy and healthy relationship with the only guy she has loved. Sam is more than just a one-dimensional tough girl with an iron fist and a smart mouth. We have seen on iCarly that she is much deeper than she appears to be.


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